From Self-Connection to Compassion

Phra Paisal Visalo describes nonduality as a perspective that questions the apparently clear separation between “I” and “others”, between “good” and “evil”, or between inner development and social action.

People and their actions arise within social, biographical and societal contexts. For him, nonviolence is therefore not only a strategy against external injustice, but also an inner practice: anyone seeking social change must also recognise their own hatred, fear, need for superiority and the formation of enemy images. In this understanding, meditation and social engagement are two sides of a process of change. Phra Paisal Visalo: Buddhist Spirituality and Social Action, especially “Non-duality and Non-violence”, pp. 292–297.

This idea can be extended to a person’s relationship with themselves:

Just as distancing ourselves from other people can reduce our access to their suffering, alienation from our own experience can block access to our own suffering.

Alienation from one’s own experience

Traumatic or persistently overwhelming experiences, in particular, can lead to bodily sensations, feelings, memories and thoughts no longer being perceived as a coherent personal experience. In psychology, this is described in terms including dissociation, depersonalisation, emotional numbness and alexithymia.

These reactions should not initially be understood as malfunctions. They can be important protective mechanisms: when a situation can neither be changed nor escaped, the mind reduces access to the overwhelming experience. People may then feel, for example: “This is not really happening to me”, “I am just functioning” or “I can hardly feel myself any more”. The National Center for PTSD accordingly describes depersonalisation as an alteration of consciousness that reduces the emotional intensity of an experience that cannot be managed. National Center for PTSD: Dissociative Subtype of PTSD.

In the longer term, however, this protective response can impair self-connection. Suffering remains, but may no longer be clearly recognised as sadness, fear, shame, loneliness or overwhelm. Instead, it may appear indirectly, for example as physical symptoms, inner emptiness, irritability, withdrawal, exhaustion, a need for control or self-harming behaviour.

It is therefore more accurate not to speak of consciously “ignoring” one’s own suffering. Rather, suffering is defended against, split off, misinterpreted or cannot be understood in language and emotion.

The body as a pathway to personal experience

Interoception plays an important role here: the perception and processing of internal bodily signals such as heartbeat, breathing, tension, warmth, pain, fatigue, hunger or arousal. These signals contribute significantly to recognising feelings and developing a coherent sense of self.

Research reviews show associations between early traumatic experiences, dissociation, alexithymia, a reduced sense of body ownership and altered interoception. Emotional neglect and abuse, in particular, can impair the ability to understand bodily activation as one’s own emotional experience. Coates et al.: The Relationship Between Interoception and Experiences of Stress, Trauma, and Mental Illness.

Body-oriented approaches can help people first notice what is happening in their bodies. From this, a connection can gradually emerge:

Bodily sensation → feeling → need → verbal expression → capacity to act

The body is not understood here as a store from which trauma can simply be “released”. The key is to reconnect bodily sensations, emotional experiences, thoughts, memories and meanings. In sensorimotor psychotherapy, Pat Ogden, Kekuni Minton and Clare Pain describe this as developing a new, bodily integrated experience of self. Ogden, Minton & Pain: Trauma and the Body.

The idea of harmony between body, mind and soul can therefore be translated into scientific terms as increasing integration and coherence:

• Bodily signals are perceived.
• Feelings can be recognised and differentiated.
• Thoughts and memories are placed in context.
• Needs and values become accessible.
• People once again experience themselves as capable of acting and connected with themselves.

However, greater body awareness is not automatically helpful. In people affected by trauma, bodily signals can also trigger fear, memories or overwhelm. Body-oriented exercises must therefore be voluntary, introduced gradually and accompanied by options for distancing and stabilisation. Although a meta-analysis shows positive effects of body- and movement-oriented interventions on PTSD symptoms, it found no clear additional effect on measured interoceptive awareness. Van de Kamp et al., 2023.

Self-compassion as a response to perceived suffering

Recognising one’s own suffering is not enough on its own. People can recognise their suffering while responding with self-criticism, shame or devaluation. The quality of the inner relationship is therefore crucial.

Kristin Neff describes self-compassion through three interconnected dimensions:

1. Mindfulness rather than avoidance or over-identification: One’s own suffering is recognised without suppressing it or being completely overwhelmed by it.
2. Self-kindness rather than self-judgement: In a difficult situation, a person responds to themselves with understanding, care and a willingness to take responsibility.
3. Common humanity rather than isolation: Mistakes, vulnerability, failure and suffering are understood as part of human existence rather than evidence of personal inferiority.

Self-compassion therefore does not mean self-pity or avoiding responsibility. Research instead suggests that self-compassionate people may be more willing to take responsibility, apologise and change their behaviour after making mistakes. Neff: Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention, 2023.

Self-compassion, isolation and connectedness

The relationship between self-compassion and loneliness is especially significant. People who experience their suffering solely as personal failure may feel different from, inferior to or excluded by others. The dimension of common humanity changes this interpretation:

I am not excluded from being human because I suffer. My vulnerability connects me with other people who also experience vulnerability, loss, fear and failure in different ways.

The association is well supported empirically. A longitudinal study of 1,090 adults showed that higher self-compassion and increases in self-compassion predicted lower loneliness at later assessments. The effect of self-compassion on subsequent loneliness was stronger than the effect of compassion for others. Lee et al., 2021.

Intervention studies also confirm that self-compassion can be learned. A meta-analysis of 27 randomised controlled trials found substantial improvements in self-compassion and positive effects on stress, depression, anxiety, self-criticism, mindfulness and rumination. Group programmes tended to show stronger effects than individual programmes. Ferrari et al., 2019.

A scientifically appropriate formulation of the central point is therefore:

Self-compassion is associated with lower loneliness and social isolation and can foster a sense of human connectedness.

Compassion for others does not necessarily require self-compassion, however. Some people are exceptionally caring towards others while treating themselves harshly and critically. Research even shows that self-compassion and compassion for others are only partly related. Self-connection and self-compassion are therefore not necessary prerequisites, but can provide a more stable foundation for compassion and help protect against exhaustion, self-abandonment or unconsciously helping out of one’s own unmet needs.

Methods for fostering self-compassion

One accessible method is the self-compassion break:

1. Acknowledge suffering: “This is difficult right now.” “This hurts.” “I notice that this situation is weighing on me.”
2. Remember common humanity: “Difficult experiences are part of being human.” “Other people also know fear, failure or vulnerability.” “This experience does not place me outside the human community.”
3. Respond kindly and responsibly: “What do I need now?” “How would I speak to a good friend?” “What is one small, helpful step?”

Other established approaches include:

• speaking to yourself as you would to someone close to you,
• writing a compassionate letter to yourself,
• loving-kindness meditation for yourself and others,
• voluntary soothing touch, such as placing a hand on your chest or arm,
• a calm breathing rhythm,
• developing an inner compassionate figure,
• Compassion-Focused Therapy for pronounced shame and self-criticism,
• Neff and Germer’s eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion programme.

In SAILR’s educational work, self-compassion can be connected particularly well with body awareness and self-empathy in Nonviolent Communication:

1. What do I notice in my body?
2. What feeling becomes apparent?
3. What is difficult or painful right now?
4. What need is emerging?
5. How can I respond to myself with understanding?
6. How does this experience connect me with other people?
7. What responsible action is possible now?

Educational conclusion

Connecting Phra Paisal’s nonduality with psychological trauma research, body awareness and self-compassion provides a sound foundation for “Democracy from Within”:

Self-compassion means recognising one’s own suffering without suppressing it or becoming lost in it. When people understand their vulnerability as part of shared human experience, feelings of isolation can lessen and connectedness can grow. Contact with the body, feelings and needs creates a self-connection that can support compassionate and responsible action, both inwardly and outwardly.

Democratic and peaceful relationships therefore do not arise solely from knowledge of rules and institutions. They require people who can recognise, regulate and express their feelings and wounds without directing them against themselves or others. Inner integration, self-compassion and social responsibility are thus understood as interconnected parts of an educational process.

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Author: Christoph Richter · SAILR
Category: Publications / Education & Psychology